


Trees were dead and the River were none

by agirlnamedchuck



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Always a girl!Bilbo, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bilbo is a snarky girl and she will comment on the fail!situations that happen to her all she likes, Cultural Differences, Everybody Lives, F/M, Gender Roles, Genderswap, Hobbit Culture, I Don't Even Know, Male-Female Friendship, POV Female Character, Secret Identity, Snark, Thorin Is an Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-24
Updated: 2013-04-24
Packaged: 2017-12-09 07:04:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/771398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirlnamedchuck/pseuds/agirlnamedchuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo dislikes Thorin the second the dwarf opens his mouth and criticizes her. She's spent her entire life being criticized for how she dresses, how she acts, for not acting like a proper lady and she won't take it now from some stranger, especially not a stranger she's offered her own home to. </p>
<p>If she was more like her mother then she supposed she'd already hit him while smiling sweetly as can be. For Thorin Oakenshield's sake it's lucky she's not. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(Or: Bilbo has always been a girl and sometimes life is unfair enough to gift her with a company of dwarves. She blames the Wizard.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trees were dead and the River were none

**Author's Note:**

> I am only posting this because I have literally written +20k of this...since sunday. 
> 
> I don't know I just thought there was something cool about girl Bilbo before, during, and after the quest to reclaim Erebor. 
> 
> I'm tired.
> 
> ALSO: The Dwarves shown up much more prominently after this chapter.

Bilbo hears the sound of a door opening and she wraps her hands tightly around the kitchen knife, the air in the closet growing even warmer. She's not sure how to do it if it's really a wolf, will she even have time to scream before the beasts lunge for her throat?

"--Bilbo?" The voice is familiar and it's tinged with fear, Bilbo crawls out of the closet to find both of her parents in her room. She stands, legs asleep and she drops the knife.

"I heard the howls." She says with her face pressed up against her mother's skirt and her father's arm wrapped around her. She feels young.  She is young, only in her tweens but that means nothing. Just the other day they found Primrose Bracegirdle's son lying in the woods, half of him eaten and he was only a baby, only eight. 

Bilbo has kept the knife on her ever since, her friends are lulled by the false soothing words of their parents but Bilbo's tell her the truth and if a wolf comes in then she'll at least try to fight. It'd be the proper Took-ish thing to do.

Her mother runs a comforting hand through her hair and Bilbo takes another moment to breathe in the scent of their clothes and remind herself that she's still safe, at last she pulls back so she's facing them. "What did the council say?"

The Old Took had called for a meeting and all the heads of all the families and all the other important hobbits had gone. Belladonna's mouth twists angrily and she scoffs. "Those fools would rather us die then ask for help."

Bilbo looks at her father but even he looks resigned. "Who would come to the aid of Hobbits? We have nothing to trade, we have no allies." Her father says and Bilbo almost rears back in shock because he's never talked like this before, it sounds like something he's repeating from somewhere but she can see he believes it and she can see no hope lies for them; they will not send out the message for help and if they did who would respond?

We are going to die Bilbo thinks, we are going to die by ice and wolves and starvation like hobbits used to. The howls start up again and she sleeps in her parents room curled in between them and she never notices that Belladonna has her own knife, that her father never sleeps, his eyes staring at the door.

In the morning Lila Tunnelly's mother announces she's missing from her crib and it takes them only until evening to find her body. She's two.

Bilbo looks at the woman in the marketplace and wonders whose child will be next. Her mother scowls at the news and instead of going to visit Auntie Chica and cousin Falco, they head to Tuckborough.

"Mother?" Bilbo says quietly and her mother just shakes her head, scowl firmly in place even as she smokes her pipe. The sky is still light out so they have nothing to fear but Bilbo eyes the wood. They use to belong to her but the beasts have taken them away just as they taken away hope.

They head to Grandfather's house and people stare at them curiously, easily recognizing Belladonna in one of her famous tempers.  She doesn't even say hello to her mother, walking around the one and storming into the room The Old Took uses as his office.

"You will do something!" She snarls and Bilbo is surprised by the ferocity of it. Suddenly she is reminded of wild animals. 

The Old Took doesn't look surprised and he doesn't cower like most. "I cannot." he says simply and Bilbo doesn't know why but later her mother will explain to her that hobbits do not trust the likes of Big-Folk and though her grandfather is the Thain he cannot ask the Big-Folk for help without the rest of them asking for it, and Bilbo will wonder if this distrust is worth their deaths.

 Now she can only look nervously between them and wonder which Took will win.

Belladonna scoffed. "Cannot? You're the Thain! You and the rest of them sit and here and mutter as more of us die? We starve and we freeze and we get picked off by wolves like rabbits."

"I cannot do anything and you know it." The Thain says and he looks tired, shadows underneath his eyes and it is hard to compare this image to the grandfather who laughed and did tricks for her birthday last year.

It's no use, her mother is enraged and she has held onto her tongue for far too long. She's seen too many of theirs die. "What if it was Bilbo? What if it was your granddaughter?"

The Old Took's eyes shift over to her as if checking that she actually isn't dead and Bilbo smiles shyly at him, partially hidden by her mother. "Bilbo is fine."

Belladonna's sharp eyes narrow and grow cold, without saying a thing she lifts her daughter's shirt and shows her stomach, ignoring her shriek. "Does this look fine? She starves like most of us do." She snaps.

"Mother!" Bilbo flushes and jerks her shirt down and and wraps her arms around herself.

The Old Took's eyes linger on where her ribs would be and for the first time he notices how thin she is, how thin Belladonna is.

That's the good thing about fearing the wolves, it helps you forget the rumble of your empty stomach.

"Can you do nothing now?" Belladonna says quietly and there is nothing left. No anger, no hate and Bilbo stares at her concerned. Her mother looks defeated, her skin too pale and her face too gaunt. "Please."

"I can't." The Thain says simply, regretfully and Belladonna looks at him and then at last inclines her head in acceptance. Bilbo looks between them and then her mother's arm leads them from the room and she doesn't let go until they're out of the house.

"What do we do?" Bilbo whispers and she can't help being afraid, she longs to be brave like her mother but she is always afraid now.

Belladonna looks down at her and realization passes her face as if she's just noticed her daughter. Her mother smiles but it's nowhere close to her normal one, a match's flame to a forest fire. "We fix this on our own."

Bilbo opens her mouth to ask how, how can they fix this if there's no hope for help? Are they meant to simply wait this out and mourn their dead--her mother stops her, running a hand through her thick curls.

"I will fix this." She swears solemnly and Bilbo nods and some of the fear fades away even as the sky grows dark because even though she is too old to believe, her mother never breaks her promises.

Two days later Bilbo is startled by another sound but it's not howls. The horn-call of Buckland sounds in the air for the first time in centuries. Bilbo looks to her father in confusion and he is smiling.

The Old Took smiles at his daughter the next time he sees her.

Bilbo is not sure what has happened exactly but for a moment all is right.

The worst of it happens within the next week. The wolves get more bold or more desperate and instead of only one or two at a time the entire pack slinks into the Shire, no longer content with just their woods. 

They strike during daylight.

Bilbo is laying in a field with two of Uncle Adalgrim's daughters--Primra and Sapphire perhaps, she can never keep track of them and a little Brandybuck boy who's followed them. They're trying to cloud-watch but the grey skies and wind make it hard as does the Brandybuck boy insisting that every shape is a dragon.

"That is most definitely not a dragon." Primra--is it Primra or Penelope? It starts with a P, that much she's sure of, says haughtily.

Bilbo rolls her eyes. "Let him think it's a dragon if he wants to. What's it hurting?"

"Dragon!" The boy, Saradas says happily, clapping his hands as Bilbo smiles at him. Primra looks like she's going to argue but before anything can happen they're cut off by the sound of a wolf howl.

All three of the girls freeze as Saradas keeps chattering unaware to himself. The Took daughters look at her helplessly. "Did that sound close by?" Primra says her voice barely more than a whisper and Bilbo shakes her head even as she stumbles to her feet.

"Of course not, stand up both of you." Bilbo instructs trying to sound like her mother and she scoops Saradas into her arms, the boy going easily enough. Another howl sounds, closer now and she bites down on her lip hard enough to bleed as the girls jump. She's the oldest, she has to figure this out.

"Bilbo, what do we do?" Sapphire says and her eyes are wide with fear. Bilbo tries to smile at her.

"We're going to go home and eat some of my mother's scones and if you want you three can spend the night and in the morning we'll bring you home." Bilbo says soothingly even as she feels her nerves are shot. What is she supposed to do? What can she do? There's no closet to hide in now.

"Doesn't that sound like a great idea?"

The girls remain silent, their wide childish eyes focused on something behind her and Bilbo doesn't have to look to know what it is. "I want you two to start walking away very slowly and go find my mother, understand?" Bilbo says and her voice is low and calm and she is proud that it does not break.

"What about you and Saradas?" They whisper and she's relieved to see that they listen to her and start to move away slowly.

"We'll be fine, just go find Auntie Belladonna okay?" If she sends Saradas with them then it'll only weigh the girls down, it's safer for all of them if he stays with her.

As the girls move away Bilbo turns and sees them, only two but she can hear the howls of more somewhere in the distance and she prays for the safety of her family.

They are bigger then she expected and they look nothing like the gentle slobbering dogs Farmer Maggot has that lazily chases them when they wander through his fields and steal his apples.

These are monsters. They are terrible and horrible and Bilbo can see nothing but death in their gold eyes even as they get closer. They remind her of moving snow and the breath catches in her throats.

She's entranced by them despite the pit of fear growing in her stomach. They're beasts but she's never seen anything like them and something about them calls to her. Bilbo is only shaken out of her trance by Saradas pulling on her hair. "Dragon?" he says, his voice wobbly and high-pitched and Bilbo curses herself for acting like a fool.

"No sweetling, those are wolves."

She looks around and balances the little hobbit on her hip. She sees a stick near by and she inches her way closer to it, never looking away from the wolves. If they come for her she will fight, she will not die so easily.

"Wolves?" Saradas repeats and she wonders if he understands, she hopes he doesn't.

"Wolves." Bilbo confirms and she gently pries the little one from her and sets him down so he's hidden by her legs, his tiny fingers clutching tightly to the bottom of her skirt.

She can feel him shaking like a little leaf in the wind.

Bilbo wishes she could comfort him someway but the wolves are getting closer and closer and she doesn't want to know what will happen if she dares to look away. I'll protect you she promises and it is all she can give, only a girl fighting monsters with a dead branch.

When the wolves are close enough that Bilbo imagines they would only have to jump and strike her, to tear out her skinny throat...they stop. They stare at her with their cold eyes and their winter skin and the wind in the air cracks like a whip. It feels like she spends forever looking into a monster's eyes and she wonders what they see, do they see a girl or a meal or something else?

Fire hammers along her veins and her pulse is too quick too fast and she breathes and she is not sure what possesses her to move first, Took-ish foolishness perhaps, but she does and with a battle cry she's heard a few of her cousins make when they play pretend, she lunges forward, hitting the nearest wolf with all her might.

The wolf rears back and then it snarls and she can see the white of its teeth and Bilbo twists the stick so it's in between them and she thinks she can hear the other wolf growling nearby and Saradas is whimpering, crying and she can't think and all she can do is hold onto the branch and push against it.

She screams and shrieks at it like some possessed thing and not at all the sweet daughter of Gentle-hobbit Bungo Baggins and that is why she doesn't here the sound of someone else screaming her name. Out of the corner of her eye she thinks she sees a blur of green but her arms are lapsing and she has to focus all of her effort on keeping the beast away, its teeth scraping sharply on the edges of her arm and she can feel blood dripping down and it only makes her cry out more. 

The wolf moves away suddenly, darting back into the forest and Bilbo falls to the ground, the branch still in front of her and Saradas wrapped around her and she can't even care about the other wolf, she is too tired. Let him eat here, she has fought her battle and there is no shame in dying now.

"Bilbo." Someone gasps out and she sluggishly lifts her head to find her mother next to her. Belladonna Took has blood on her palms and blood on her knife and next to her a white wolf is laid dead, its fur stained the death color.

"Mother." Bilbo says because she can't say anything else. Belladonna wraps her in a a tight embrace and she tries to return it, still holding the stick. It lasts but a moment and then Belladonna pulls her to her feet and they head back for Hobbiton--Belladonna with her bloody knife and Bilbo with her stick, Saradas Brandybuck placed on her hip.

No one is outside to see them walk to Bag End but many picture it later and marvel; Little Bilbo Baggins fending off a wolf! and Belladonna killing one!

"Bilbo!" Adalgrim Took's daughters cry out and Bilbo is tackled by them before she knows it and no one cares about the blood.

Belladonna wraps her daughter's hands, it will scar she says in warning even though she doesn't think her a particularly vain girl.

Bilbo grits her teeth as her mother cleans out the scrapes and can only think good.

Later Belladonna will have someone skin the wolf she's slain and she will give the pelt to her father and they will both know that there is something they could do and every time Bilbo goes to the Thain's office she will see the pelt hanging on the wall and think of her mother.

That night with the Took daughters and the Brandybuck boy sleeping down the hall Bilbo will stay up and stare at her blood-stained dress. She'll put it in her closet and she won't wear it again. She puts the knife back in the kitchen where it belongs and she goes to sleep.

There is one more wolf attack and this time Bilbo is at a friend's house and she is forced into someone's mostly empty pantry with other children and this time there is no fear, there is nothing and as she imagines cowering hobbits everywhere hiding in their own pantries she cannot help but wonder why they do not fight.

One pack against them all? Surely even the most gentle of folk could win that fight.

She'll wonder that for years and she'll finally ask her father and he doesn't give her an answer but a tired smile. She doesn't bother asking her mother, the truth-telling days are mostly over by then.

Now she sits and waits like all good children do and she thinks of the snow.

The rangers come and they slaughter the last of the wolf-pack and their blood stains the ground for almost a week before it's washed away by new frost. They bring with them food and supplies and with that a strange Man. The Man is very old and dressed in a long grey robe with a peculiar shaped hat but he stands proud and tall.

Most Hobbits avoid them but Bilbo doesn't blame them, it's been almost a month since the horn-call of Buckland rang out and before that it had been two and a half months since the river froze and the wolves came and they were starving long before that. She's starting to see there's some truth to their fear of the Big-Folk.

She's not surprised to see her mother talking to the Man, probably giving him a piece of her mind and Bilbo only smiles fondly before she's beckoned away by her father. Later she is surprised to see the Man sitting down for elevensies in their kitchen and Bilbo stops, lingering uncertain in the doorway. She's not sure if she's more surprised that they're having elevensies for the first time in two months or because of the Man.

"Good morning?" Bilbo inquires and the Man smiles at her, he opens his mouth to speak and is cut off by Belladonna. "Don't you dare start that good morning business, she's only a child and I'll not have you confusing her."

Her mother instructs her to sit down and Bilbo does, her attention focused on the eggs and toast in front of her and she grins up at her happily. "Thank you." Bilbo breathes out and she is halfway through eating before she realizes that the Man and her mother is staring at her both of them looking amused and sad.

"Sorry." She mutters and she slows down so that she's not inhaling her food.

"This is an old friend of mine, Gandalf the Grey." Belladonna says and she chooses to be amused by her daughter's reaction and not distressed by it. She cannot control how they have suffered in the past, she can only make sure it doesn't happen again.

Bilbo smiles politely at him, the way her parents have taught her to do around strangers. "I'm Bilbo Baggins."

"I am very aware of that, my dear." The Man laughs and Bilbo flushes slightly and Belladonna rolls her eyes and threatens him to be nice or she'll box his ears. Bilbo leaves shortly after and so she doesn't hear her mother telling Gandalf all that they have endured, she is spared this bit of sorrow. Gandalf listens to these tales with ancient ears and Belladonna's voice is grim.  Some years later he will remember a friend telling him of her daughter acting in bravery to defend a little boy and when Thorin Oakenshield asks for his help in picking a final member of his company he will think of her name instantly; Little Bilbo Baggins, fighter of wolves.

In the end forty-three hobbits die of wolves and hundreds more of starvation. The next winter the sun shines bright for most of it and the river does not freeze.  It is a good one.

_______________________________________________________________________

She is young and wild after the wolves, not so much as changed just only uncaring and you are more likely to find her climbing a tree or off having an adventure with a Took cousin then you are at home. She even swaps out her dresses and skirts for breeches and tunics. Her golden hair looks more like dust these days.

People talk of course they do because she is supposed to be a respectable Baggins like her father whose only stain on his respectability was marrying a Took and having only a lass instead of a lad.

Bilbo hears them one day, by accident of course because it's improper behavior and all but she's only a little thing and they're not that cruel, not yet. She goes home and spends forever fixing her hair and digs an old dress out of her closest. It's a size too small and it itches.

For the next week she doesn't go adventuring and she tells everyone to leave her alone when they come and ask her to play.

At last her parents ask her what's the matter and Bilbo says she is trying to act like a proper Baggins should. Belladonna's expression is thunderous but Bungo is the one who asks her in an oddly quiet voice who told her such a thing?

Bilbo explains what she overheard and her parents assure her that they're wrong. "We don't care how you act. You are a proper Baggins just by being a Baggins." Bungo says firmly.

Bilbo looks at him, really she says and he nods and she puts away the dress and unpins her hair.

The next day no one is talking about Bilbo at all because did you hear what Belladonna Baggins said to Layla Clayhanger? Never had such vuglar nasty language been heard this side of Bree.

She is overjoyed with the news that her father doesn't care and Bungo is always the first to smile at whatever treasure Bilbo brings back from her adventures or what new tale she has. He even lets her keep a frog in the house until it gets loose and ends up in the pantry.

Her father dies five years after the Fell Winter and Bilbo is struck by the suddenness of it. She has never considered her father old, his hair was still blond and his face still looked youthful. She is numb for days and it is only her mother's presence that keeps her from drifting away as light as air.

These are the things you will do one day, her mother says quietly and all of Bag End is quiet and Bilbo hates it. She hates it and it makes her want to scream and scream until it doesn't hurt anymore.

But life doesn't work that way and she finds out as everyone does that you cannot fix things such as your heartbreaking just by screaming.

Belladonna shows her daughter what foods to make, which candles to light and which flowers to pick. More importantly she shows her how to lie. Belladonna's mourning dress is neatly pressed and not an inch of her dark hair is out of place. Her eyes are red-rimmed but she does not cry, she is a stone and Bilbo marvels at her and tries to do the same.

As is custom there is a party to celebrate Bungo at the end of the mourning week and Bilbo spends the entire time clinging to her mother's side as if she were a fauntling.

People look at them more after that for Bungo was the only respectable Baggins and Belladonna glares back.

"You can be however you want to be." Belladonna says firmly a few days after the mourning week ends. She runs a hand through her daughter's fine hair and helps fix the tangled knots.

That evening she teaches Bilbo the very best braids for adventuring purposes.

In fact Bilbo spends a large part of that year being taught a great many deal of things by her mother though she never questions why. She teaches her how to sew and how to cook, how to know when the soil is good or bad and she teaches her that home is more than a place to sleep, home is what you make of it as long as there is people to fill it.

"Your father built Bag End for me." Belladonna says conversationally one late summer night. They're sitting on a bench outside, Bilbo reading an elvish story book and she blowing smoke rings the way a wizard once taught her. Belladonna smiles thinly at anyone who passes by, daring them to judge her.

Bilbo thinks the smoke rings are amazing and she promises she'll teach her when she's a bit older.

"Da built Bag End?" She repeats incredulously, raising her eyebrows. Never in all her life has she seen her father pick up a tool. Bilbo Baggins had been a gentlehobbit through and through, more round then thin towards the end.

Belladonna laughs and it's booming and larger then life just like the woman herself. "Well." She says with mischief in her eyes. " I helped of course but your father had come up with the plans all on his own and had started them before I'd even said yes to his proposal."

Bilbo frowns and sets her book down. "Why would he do that? Wouldn't he be embarrassed after you said no?" Everyone knew that Belladonna had rejected Bungo's suit not once, but twice. She said there was more she wanted to do first. Her mother had been irritated for days but that only encouraged her more.

"That's the thing people like Layla Clayhanger never understood about your father." Belladonna blows out another smoke ring, larger then the rest and her smile is fond.  "For all his books and respectability, he was just as much a dreamer as me."

Bungo dreamed of true love and a family to call his own while Belladonna dreamed of adventures and treasures and elves. It seemed like an impossible match and she'd regard the polite little boy from Hobbiton who gifted her with flowers and books with scorn until no one was more surprised then she to realized she loved him, even more then she loved her adventures.

They were a good match despite first appearances; Belladonna was too headstrong and too stubborn, gifted with a quick temper and an even quicker tongue. Bungo was too quiet and shy and if someone didn't remind him he'd spend all day with his books. They evened each other and made each other better and in her opinion their dear Bilbo was the best of both of them.

At the time this conversation takes place her Bungo has been dead for six months and they are slowly healing. Without her husband Belladonna was less inclined to hold her tongue and she'd noticed how quiet Bilbo had been, how sad she seemed lately.

It had taken only a little bit of prompting for Bilbo to confess that she didn't like the way her former male companions were acting around her. They no longer played together Bilbo said and they don't talk to me around the other lasses and if they did then it was only teases for the way she dressed, the way she acted.

She hums and then nods. "It'll do you a great world of good to remember that the best people will accept you as you are." She doesn't know if her words will be helpful or not though she hopes they are.

"Yes mother." She says quietly but there is a smile on her face and it is like the sun coming out again and the next time someone looks at her strangely or says something aout her behavior she holds her head up high and walks past them without a word.

Belladonna blows another smoke ring and counts it as a win.

________________________________________________________________________

Her mother dies and if Bungo's death broke her then Belladonna's shatters her. She feels terribly, painfully young as if the very ground has abandoned her and everything her mother has taught her falls out her mind as she spends three days locked up in Bag End, wrapped in the quilt her mother made her.

It doesn't matter that she's of age, she's only barely so. All that matters is how completely unbearably alone she feels. Her home has become empty and she has no people left to fix it.

On the morning of the third day Bilbo wakes up and gets dressed. She fixes her hair and rubs at her tear-stained face and she does what she's supposed to.

Visitors stop by after that because as much as Belladonna was a Took and wildly improper by Hobbiton standards she'd earned most of their respects in one way or another throughout the years. Though it shouldn't surprise her to find that a third of the people mention some nice young man they know. It shouldn't surprise her because she is now the Mistress of Bag End and she's pretty enough even with her breeches and messy hair, with her silly talk of adventures, but it does and when they leave she rages for days, knocking furniture over at the daring of those people.

When they are there Bilbo does as her mother taught her and endures it all with a perfectly bland smile. She wears her best dress and she'll throw it out later. She can already feel them advancing on her like wolves and even as they say they're sorry for her loss, a few men eye her with interest. Some of them twice her age!

I don't want to get married she thinks hatefully, unexpectedly and it surprises her and her polite smile almost slips. It's unexpected she realizes but that doesn't mean it's not true and her smile becomes more real in the knowledge of it.

The only visit she truly welcomes is that of her family and in them the one she welcomes the most is the Old Took. She's touched by familial fondness and her smile is genuine as she offers him tea. He disregards the tea and holds her in a tight hug. If both of them spend far too long clutching at each other then neither mention it.

"Do you remember the wolves?" Her grandfather says unexpectedly after he's been given his third cup of tea.

Bilbo stares at him with curiosity and bobs her head yes, of course.

"Did you ever wonder who blew the horn-call of Buckland and who got the rangers to come?" He says and he looks like his daughter, like all his children with mischief and delight in his old eyes.

Bilbo remains silent and he continues on. "It was your mother of course. Stubborn as always she went to Buckland and forced Gorbadoc Brandybuck to sound the alarm." Gorbadoc was also the father of Saradas and she remembers the look of pure relief on the man's face as he thanked her for saving his son. Whenever she passes by a Brandybuck they smile at her.

"Of course." Bilbo says and she doesn't realize she's smiling for the first time in days. "Of course it was her."

"Event sent a letter to the rangers and that wizard." The Old Took shakes his head though his expression is fond. "Never could listen to her elders, not if she thought she was right and in the case of the Fell Winter she was more then right."

"She thought she was always right." Bilbo laughs and she is still broken and it is painful remembering the things she can no longer have but it is easier with family here.

The Old Took smiles. "You remind me of her, less of the temper and stubbornness though I'm sure that'll come out sooner or later but you have her curiosity and spirit and you shouldn't be ashamed of that."

"Thank you." Bilbo says because there are no other words that can manage, nothing that can show how proud she is to be compared to her bright and beautiful mother.

Something changes at the end of the mourning week. Bilbo locks it all away as easily as she locks the door to Bag End. Here is the change the people of the Shire has always wanted. Gone is the girl who dashed in mud puddles and dreamed of elves and fought off a wolf when no man dared but so gone is the girl with long golden hair and sweet smiles and bright eyes.

Her family was the strength that allowed her to be herself and now that they're gone she can't hold it up alone.

Bilbo is afraid of loneliness so she sweeps everything harmful out of reach. She steps out of her mother's footsteps and into her father's and hides away in her maps and books in a too large house.

She smiles politely at people in the markets but she doesn't linger, she goes to parties when invited but she never enjoys it. If she notices someone's interested eyes, she shakes her head slightly and eventually everyone  stops talking about little Bilbo Baggins aside from an occasional mention later on of how she's become a spinster.

________________________________________________________________________

This is of course when Gandalf the Grey steps in and Bilbo wishes her mother had bothered to tell her that the man is more meddlesome then all of the old gossipy grams put together.

She's so stunned by all of the dwarves, and oh valar, there are actual dwarves on her doorstep, that she doesn't correct them when they say Mister Baggins instead of Mistress. It's an easy enough mistake she supposes. Her hair is shorter now, only reaching her chin and she dresses more like a hobbit man then a woman though that's for comfort and being used to it, then anything else. Still she's almost offended, she isn't the most well-endowed woman but really?

When the wizard who knows better and was calling her miss just earlier in fact, does it repeatedly, she can't help but raise an eyebrow and he smiles secretively and she rolls her eyes and mutters about damn wizards.

"Would you like to explain the 'mister' business or should I just assume your eyes have caught up to your age?" She says crossly when they are alone and the dwarves are messing about in her kitchen. Though she has not retained the extent of distaste that most Hobbits have to outsiders she has to question anyone that covered in dirt and mud who's older than  fauntling.

"Dwarves have ideas about their women-folk that some might view as strange." Gandalf says and though there is  still something pleasant in his eyes his voice is serious. "For instance they leave their mountains only in times of severe need."

"It's not that strange." she says frowning, thinking of Hobbits and how she's been told more then once to mind her place. They don't mean it harmful but that doesn't mean she can't find it irritating.

The pleasant gleam in his eyes fades and his tone is understanding and she hates that it is. "No, I suppose it's not."

Bilbo dislikes Thorin the second the dwarf opens his mouth and criticizes her. She's spent her entire life being criticized for how she dresses, how she acts, for not acting like a proper lady and she won't take it now from some stranger, especially not a stranger she's offered her own home to.

If she was more like her mother then she supposed she'd already hit him while smiling sweetly as can be. For Thorin Oakenshield's sake it's lucky she's not.

Still even as she dislikes him there is something strange about his eyes, wild and intense and she doesn't understand why she finds them so interesting.  He reminds her of the white wolves from years ago and later she'll realize that she was so fixated on both of them because they were a sign of a world away from the Shire, of all the possibilities she could have. The ones she would never have.

Later--much much later she will think of his eyes and she will laugh because if she doesn't then she will cry.

Something in her crows in delight for these dwarves treat her the way they would a man and she thinks no one among them would care if she acts improper, no one among them would badger her about getting married.

The thought of it makes her skin tingle in excitement and she has to remind herself several times that she ought not to go. She put all those childish dreams and thoughts away years ago and now is not the time to bring them up.

In the end Bilbo goes. She goes not because of Gandalf's promise of an adventure or to prove the arrogant dwarf-king wrong or even because of the countless hours spent playing pretend. Bilbo goes because she remembers a hand on her hair and a voice telling her not to care what other people think.

Bilbo Baggins knows her own worth and she'll prove it to somebody by the end of this journey even if that means facing down a dragon.


End file.
